Beige Bears

   If the Arctic melts, what exactly is going to happen? Why is this so awful? All of the animals can be taken to Antarctica, people can move out of low-lying areas, whales can just go to other cold water and everything will be fine.
   There's always such a big deal made about destroying animal habitats and wildlife. People pay £3 a month for rare leopards to be preserved. But there's no need. We have had the Ice Age and the big meltdown and there's still loads of things left. Only Mammoths and Dinosaurs are extinct, and they were a bit space consuming anyway. This way there's more room for the rest of us. One dinosaur skeleton takes up a room the size of a block of flats. They ate all the little things that were vegetarians and made the world a really dangerous place. It's a lot more chilled out in real life than it was in Jurassic Park.
   If things didn't get extinct we would have less jobs. All the archaeologists would be out of work. Paelientologists, historians, museums. There would be no 'causes' for people to feel passionate about, and everyone knows that's how we relieve our guilt about using too much electricity and driving the 3 minute walk to buy milk. How would we relieve this guilt otherwise? I'm quite happy to pay £3 a month for my sins.
   I don't know what the polar bears would do really. Whether they'd be happy to go to Antarctica or prefer Canada because there's other bears there and it's a bit warmer. Like moving from Norwich to Malaga. They would do what people have done and create half-cast bears. A whole new breed. In which case the worry of extinction would be replaced with the joy of discovering a beige bear. And all bears like fish anyway so it's not like they have to get used to paella.
   How shot down would I be for declaring myself all for this global warming? We'd still have the South Pole and maybe Theo Pathetis could do something with the North Pole. A wonderful shopping experience, if there is actually any land under all the snow. Maybe we'll find out one day. Maybe it's all about being an Optimus Prime because no one likes a Negatron. (Apologies)
   My last point on the matter is surely the most blatant point there is. Wouldn't we avoid droughts and hose pipe bans making summer not only globally warmer, but lots more fun.